Escapades as an amateur chef

We went to Ben Franklin Crafts yesterday and purchased this two foot artificial tree.  It is made of blue cellophane.  There was a purple one, which might have been more stunning, but I preferred this one.  No green trees were available.

Xmas tree 006-A

Xmas tree 007-A

Today, I will tell you about my escapades as an amateur chef, having been married to David for 35 years.

As you know, I enjoy having folks over for dinner.  We were living in our condominium during the 1980s.  David invited his friend, who was a CPA and attorney, obviously a very smart guy, whom I wanted to impress with my culinary skills.  Per the cookbook, I was supposed to roast beef for 20 minutes per pound.  The beef I bought was slightly over a pound.  So, an hour before David’s friend arrived, I roasted the beef for 30 minutes, took it out of the oven, and let it rest on the counter.  Friend arrived, I sliced the roast, and it was RAW!  Friend said, “Oh, I prefer my meat well done, but I’ll eat it anyway.”  Ugh.  I was so embarrassed.

The second time I roasted beef for company, I made sure I roasted it for more than an hour.  When I sliced it, it was over-done, completely brown, not pink inside.  But, it was edible, unlike the first time.

The third time I roasted beef, I decided to be fancy and poured a marinade over the beef.  I stuck it in the oven.  All of a sudden, the marinade caught on fire, and the entire condominium was filled with smoke.  I threw the roast in the sink and turned on the faucet.  We opened all the windows and doors to let the smoke out.  Then, I sent David to the restaurant to buy Chinese food.  When my guests arrived, I had to explain why I could not serve them a home cooked meal.

After three disasters, I realized that God had spoken and I wasn’t meant to roast beef.  I have not roasted beef since then.

There were other escapades as an amateur chef, but I’ll reveal them later.

13 Responses to “Escapades as an amateur chef”

  1. Tom Sightings Says:

    Hah, funny! Ask David for a meat thermometer for Christmas!

  2. Joanne Noragon Says:

    Cast iron pot w/lid (glass or cast iron). Add carrots, onions and taters, and you have a meal worthy of Sam Gangee.

  3. Olga Says:

    I think you are right to accept that you were being a clear message. If you have a yen for roast beef, go to a restaurant and order it.

  4. Hattie Says:

    Roast beef is tricky.

  5. DJan Says:

    Since I don’t eat beef, I haven’t got any idea how to cook it, much less EAT it! 🙂

  6. Linda Reeder Says:

    Funny now! But probably not then. I think roast beef is overrated. But I do love a good pot roast, slow cooked and well done, like Joanne said.

  7. dkzody Says:

    Roasting a good piece of beef is tricky. You are a wise woman to leave it to others to do.

  8. Christine Says:

    Gigi you gave me a good laugh with these escapades! Roasting beef is a learning experience. I recently did an outside round roast that was so tough, despite googling for recipes for this cut of meat. I ended up braising it in pieces in the pressure cooker and it didn’t waste. But next time…not sure if there will be a next time for outside round.

  9. Beatrice Says:

    Everyone has his/her share of diasters in the kitchen, Gigi. And, over time, we know which foods to avoid cooking.

  10. DeniseinVA Says:

    Cooking can be an adventure, with funny stories to tell years later. Thanks for yours Gigi, they made me smile as I remember similar disasters in my own kitchen.

  11. SchmidleysScribblins Says:

    Oh gig, you are funny, and make me feel so good. Only this morning i was in the kitchen dispairing over my culinary skills. Roast beef I can do, but stir fry eludes me.

  12. Kay G. Says:

    My dear, one cannot be as beautiful and talented as you AND be a great cook!
    This post made me laugh so I thank you. I needed that good chuckle!

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